Sunday Night Thoughts: June 3, 2018

It’s another Sunday night and the first one of June. I can’t believe that it’s already the middle of the year. It doesn’t feel too long ago that 2018 rolled in. Before you know it, it will be the holiday season.

The slow jams mix are being played on the radio and I got my brown liquor…but I can’t drink it. I got an appointment tomorrow, one of several, and I don’t want to deal with the after effects. Guess I’ll save it for next Sunday night. But it’s staring at me.

The week was pretty busy for me and exhausting. But I got a lot done, talked with some good people, and made a lot of moves. As I’m writing this post, I’m tired right now, but I said I was going to do this tonight. I’m probably going to try to go to bed after I post this, even though I’m probably just going to end up staring at the ceiling for the next few hours.

So what’s on my mind tonight? For the first time in a while, not much of anything. It’s probably because I’m too tired to think. After spending a week with a brain and body going at a thousand miles per hour, my mind feels a little drained.

I guess the biggest thing I can talk about it that I’m somewhat nervous. In a few hours, the official announcement of Phoenix Endeavors, Inc drops, and I’m hoping it will help in building a business I’ve been working so hard to establish. This one announcement is something that I’ve been working on putting together for months. It’s the end of a stage that was a process that was full of challenges and setbacks. It’s the beginning of another point in an era that started in 2010, when I left the Army. Despite my excitement, I’m nervous about the outcome; I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. I have so many questions and concerns and in a way, I feel like I don’t have the level of control I’m comfortable with. That’s a little nerve-wracking for me.

Yes, I know that I can’t control everything. But it’s not a secret that I can be a control freak; I tend to want to have my grasps on everything around me, even when I know that it’s out of my hands. I’ve been working on not being that way for a while; it’s a major source of anxiety for me. But it’s hard. So hard that I wanted to turn over the operations of my company to my management team that I’m building, while focusing on my work and maintaining my mental health, only to talk myself out of it when I realized that I would still heavily involved in it anyway because I need to know about every single detail; every single thing.

As you can see, I still have a long way to go.

So how do I deal with this? I don’t know. Every day is a challenge in how I manage my control issues. It makes it very hard to relax. Of course, people will say that I just need to go talk to somebody about it. That is a process on its own because even though I’ve been very open about my struggles with mental health on the blogs and to certain individuals, I’m still apprehensive about talking to other people. This is because I don’t want people to worry about me or tell me stuff that I already know. So I just deal with it on my own, taking it one day at a time.

Maybe this announcement, a new beginning, is a push that I need to further work on my control issues. But in a way, it’s a contradiction. The announcement is my way of maintaining control over several aspects of my professional and personal lives, while at the same time having no control over the general direction that it goes, which almost negates everything I just said. But who knows. The only thing I can hope for is that it’s successful.

My announcement drops at midnight, so it will probably start showing up in key forums by tomorrow night or Tuesday. It will first go out as a tweet from my Twitter account @JBBurrageEnt. Then where it goes from there, who knows. It’s a matter of placement based on what the company I used to put it out there can do. After midnight, it’s out of my hands.

With that being said, I’m looking forward to a productive week. I hope everyone who runs across this has the same. I need to get to bed…or at least make an attempt to. Like always, if I don’t post anything during the week, I’ll be right back here next Sunday night.

Have a great week.



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