Sunday Night Thoughts: May 13, 2018

It’s Mother’s Day and it’s a warm night here in Atlanta. True to my form, I returned for another session of Sunday Night Thoughts. I admit it’s a little harder than I thought, and last week I wasn’t really feeling it as well I thought I would. Tonight, though I’m a little tired, it’s a little different.

To start off, I’ve had a pretty busy week. I went back to Meridian just in time for my mom’s birthday. I got a chance to hang out with my homeboy. Got a chance to check out the city, since the last few times I went back, I really didn’t have the time. Saw even more tornado damage (Meridian was hit by a tornado last month, with the most damage being around the neighborhood I grew up in; I just left town a few days before). Despite the damage, I’m still glad that Meridian is moving forward. It’s always good to go back home so I can get away from Atlanta for a little bit (I love Atlanta but sometimes I need a break). But after a while, I need to get back to the ATL. I recently recovered from a hypomanic episode, so even though I’m still high-functioning, I’m very tired. My mom saw that, and ever since then, she has been reminding me to get some rest.

Once I got back to Atlanta, it was business as usual. I would rest briefly, then get back to planning and operating the business.

This morning, I had a dream about being an actor and it kind of brought back the acting bug. It was never really strong, but I imagined how it would be if I was an actor. I’m not talking about being some big Hollywood actor, but just being an actor. After all, I do write projects that I could easily perform in. It would help me make my moves through the entertainment industry. It would also allow me to understand actors and actresses from a personal perspective.

The last time I’ve done any kind of acting was in the 7th Grade, although I took theater in high school and liked performing in class. I acted in the skits that I used to write in elementary school. My acting was impressive to the point where I was almost the go-to guy for my teacher. I never had any training, but I had an overactive imagination where sometimes I took myself to worlds different from the one I lived in; almost like living another persona. It has helped me tremendously in my creative writing projects, as I tend to live the parts of my characters, especially the protagonist. I’ve been known to go off my bipolar meds when I’m working on a project just so I can channel that ability (dangerous, I know).

Today, I imagined for a few hours how it would be if I went into acting. Of course, I would have to take classes because there is a difference between acting in school plays to acting professionally, although they can lay the foundations. Then the business side of me took over; the same side that’s driving my writing business. Also, my own private personality came into play, and I remembered that I much rather be the guy behind the scenes, not the guy who is always up front and center. It’s the reason I won’t get into the music industry unless it was through songwriting (don’t worry, I can’t sing to save my life, and I would only sing if I’m beyond drunk off my ass). It’s the reason I prefer to be the writer and why I’ve been reluctant to do anything like Facebook Live, though that will change soon.

No, I didn’t talk myself out of my dreams. An acting career was never really a dream of mine. Instead, I reminded myself that taking on such an endeavor would put on a lot on my plate that already pretty loaded. I was only attracted to the image of being an actor. But I don’t need to be one to understand actors and actresses; I’ve worked with a few over the last few years, and while I don’t live their lives, I get it. Just like actors, I have to fight to get my work noticed by people in bigger positions than me, which is why I chose to follow a more independent model of business. Just like actors, I had to take some free work to get noticed. Just like actors, I had people offer me low-ball fees for massive projects; then try to argue with me about that’s how things operate, as though I’m a rooky to this business, which is one of the reasons why I chose to incorporate immediately instead of waiting till I hit a certain income threshold; I wanted to be seen as a serious business and not some begging dude off the streets. I’ve had some ridiculous proposals and offers over the years; I can’t even begin to tell you how ridiculous and offensive they were.

Maybe one day it will come again and I’ll actually jump into it. But for now, I like being the writer bringing you stories, articles, and crazy rants. I would love to jump into producing my own work and maybe even directing. But for now, I enjoy being the writer, with hopes of pitching my work to other producers. If not, that’s okay. Remember when I said that my business follows a mostly independent model? That’s what I’ll do if I can’t get people to see my vision because I know that the world wants to experience my work. It’s my responsibility to get it out there, not anyone else’s.

I hope all the mothers had a wonderful Mother’s Day. My mom is doing great. I hope everyone has a great week, and if I don’t come back with some news or crazy rant anytime during this week, I’ll be back for the next Sunday Night Thoughts.

Now to the slow jams till I get ready to shut down for the night. See y’all around.

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