bipolar disorder, Blogging, Business, Candid Talks, Information, Life, Mental Health, Personal, Real Conversations, Working

Why Was Having a Manager So Important to Me?

This question might be interesting to people, but some people could just as easily not give a damn. But it’s an important question for me, so important that I felt like I needed to address it on this blog, though some people would feel I don’t have to explain anything to anyone; especially regarding my business and personal choices. But this post isn’t to justify anything. It’s just something I wanted to do.

I can very well manage myself. After all, I have a business management degree and team building experience from the Army that allows me to build and operate a team on my own. Phoenix Endeavors, Inc isn’t some large corporation with 20 or 30 people working in one office building, although I have a bunch of ideas and milestones that requires a team to put in place. Phoenix Endeavors, Inc is a small company with big company goals and ambitions. It will never be some giant corporation because I don’t want it to be, but it will have power, prestige, and it will run the show and show how it’s done. I was actually following a method of self-management until around 2013 or 2014. Around that time, that’s when I saw having a manager a more valuable tool than having an agent. While I still wanted an agent, a manager would’ve been more beneficial as far as helping me with my overall business goals.

Management firms are hard to come by, especially if you’re a writer. I noticed that most management firms are for the music, acting, and modeling industries. Finding a manager for writers, while they are out there, proved to be very difficult. The ones I did find I realized they didn’t understand my vision, which is straightforward and ambitious. So I retreated back to a model of self-management.

My current manager is someone who I have known for a very long time, and I have a lot of trust in (very unusual since I have major trust issues).

Over the last couple of years, I realized that having a manager wasn’t a requirement, but it damn near was. The most important reason why I needed a manager is that I simply wanted to work on my projects. While I’m still the CEO of my own company, a contracted manager would help take some of the things that I had a tight grip on, run with it, and help develop my image; all while I work on the most important piece, working on my projects. This is especially important in my battle with bipolar disorder, which if you’ve followed me, you would know that it can be really crippling. I needed someone who understood that and knows when to pick up and make it happen.

Bipolar disorder is a very mentally, emotionally, and physically draining disorder. My current manager has an idea of what my cycles are. That’s important in determining how to manage the flow of my work schedule. When I can’t function (or functioning too highly), my manager knows when to let me rest and continue the operations of my brand. To be clear, there’s no ghostwriting on my projects. While I use editors when possible (or editing software, which is not 100 percent effective), no one can take my words and write for me. What I write is my own, and if I can’t write, there’s no one to pick up the slack.

Dealing with the idea of management, while appealing and just sounds so cool (“I have a manager!”, think about how professional you would sound), is actually very challenging to me. I have a big issue with control, and I usually have the mentality that I can do it myself; that is till I realize that I can’t do it myself. I must have my hands in everything, no matter how big or small it is. It causes a certain degree of anxiety, sometimes to the point where I have anxiety attacks.

I don’t like having my visions and ideas ripped apart, and I’m the type of person who says get on board and mean it. I don’t like receiving suggestions or seeing actions that I feel doesn’t reflect the direction of where I want to go. So why even deal with managers and other career-guiding people in the first place? Because aside from wanting to spend more time working on my projects than the everyday things like brand management, social media management, public relations, and other things important to running a business, I need stability.

The number one thing I don’t like is not having control over my life and my career. Even though I’m logical and highly analytical, having bipolar presents challenges that can make me either very impulsive (which can be dangerous) or so down and out that I can’t even sit up long enough to look at a computer. It can derail my career and goals in life. Without having checks and balances, I lose control. This has happened several times throughout the last ten years or so. It all goes back to having a support team, no matter if it’s personal or business. Luckily, I have someone who knows my episodes enough to know how to help me ride the wave by taking the helm. This isn’t something that I had in the past.

If you’ve noticed, unless you have my business card, the only direct way to contact me is through my management when it comes to business. Personal messages through my contact form and comments on my blog posts come to me, though my management still has access to my personal notes (so don’t send me naughty messages because I’m not the only one reading them…LOL!).

So again, while I don’t owe anyone any explanation to why I do things the way I do, especially when it comes to my business, I just wanted to give a glimpse of what’s going on in my head.

I’m done talking for now. Even though this post was set to be released on Thursday, May 3, I started this Sunday night immediately after my last post; in my office; and concluded on Monday in a waiting room. The beauty of being a freelance writer.

Till later. Who knows, I might return Sunday night with another edition of Sunday Night Thoughts.

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