Fuck It…

A little shocking, huh? I bet this wasn’t what you expected to see from me. I can just see so many mouths dropping right now. I can hear people asking the dumb ass question, “He better not be talking about me!”, as though every single thing in the world has to be about one single person. I can hear people with kids saying, “This isn’t appropriate for kids,” as though I can do the job of parenting their kids for them. I can hear my “conservative” friends saying, “Oh my gosh, such foul language,” as though they have never heard or said a cuss (or curse/swear word for you politically and grammatically correct people) a day in their lives. I can hear my Christian friends and associates rebuking me in the name of Jesus. I can also see people who knows my nature laughing their asses off, and wondering what took me so long. They are probably saying, “Oh, shit! This boy done finally snapped!”

I might even lose a few friends and supporters because of the picture and title of this post. If so, then you were never my friends and supporters in the first place. I know somebody is going to run off and tell my mom about how Jacob went on the internet and was cussing his ass off. I love my mama, but she knows I use profanity. She’s just not used to seeing me using it online. Either way, it proves how much of a snitch you are, because you’re not man or woman enough to at least talk to me, but you can run off and talk about me.

So what’s the point of this post? What’s the fucking point? Am I okay? Oh, I’m fine. I just simply feel like saying “Fuck it!” I mean, it’s my right. I’m not hurting anyone. It’s graphic, but I’m not inflicting criminal harm. I just feel like saying it.

You see, lately I’ve been feeling things. I’ve been seeing things. All I can say is that I’m amazed. It’s interesting. It’s kind of shocking. But I’m hardly surprised. As much as I try to stay positive, especially with allowing the world as I know it see my personal struggles with bipolar disorder, I still have people who attempt to steal my thunder, undermine me, and otherwise try to harm me. I know what you’re going to say, “Jacob, you’re going to have people do that your whole life!” No fucking shit! In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve lived for a little while. I might not be approaching 50, or even 45, but I have lived on Earth a little while. Don’t tell me the obvious.

But I admit it can be draining. It’s mentally, emotionally, and even physically draining. If you’ve read some of my work with bphope.com, you would notice that I describe depression the same way. That’s because it can be depressing. I’m not talking about the bullshit some people like to say, “Oh, my God, I’m so depressed because I can’t decide what outfit I want to wear.” I’m talking about real depression. But I make it through. Once I do, I get on top of my soap box and scream, “Fuck y’all!”

Just because I will deal with these issues for the rest of my life doesn’t mean that I’m not tired of them, any less than any normal person. I get pissed when people feel the need to go tell my business, but won’t even pick up the phone to see how I’m doing…or even alive and breathing. It makes my blood boil when people feel the need to stick their noses in the air and act high-class, looking down at people when they came from a background similar to mine. I want to lose my mind when people take me, or anyone else, as a push-over, although they quickly realize that I’m not the one. I get disappointed when you ignore me, don’t acknowledge me, or don’t otherwise communicate with me, but I see that you have time to post all over social media; the same ones who claim they are my friends or what ever close situation they’re supposed to me. I want to snap when I feel like you’re trying to take my voice or drown my talent. I feel hurt and betrayed when you use personal knowledge you know about me because I let my wall down against me. Lastly, I simply don’t like when you’re judging me, especially when you have no reason to. Some of y’all did that as soon as you saw the title and picture without even reading the post.

So, if you can relate to any of this, get up on this Saturday morning and say, “Fuck it!”

Until next time…

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