The Reason I Hate Releasing My Work…

I’m going to be honest and straightforward with everyone–more times than not, I dread releasing my work to the world; or even letting anyone read it for editing or opinion purposes. It’s not completely because I worry about what everyone thinks​; ninety-nine percent of the time I could care less. Rather, it’s because of my self-criticizing of my work or anything that I do, which can be pretty self-defeating. Over time, I’m trying to get past that, because in this industry you can’t have that kind of self-defeating mentality. But it’s not easy, especially when you spend an entire life being a harsh critic of anything that you do, especially when it doesn’t seem to fit within your standards and goals.

Sometimes, I think about the responses I’ve received from agents that I sent my work to. Sometimes I think about some of the negative responses I’ve received from the average reader. It does hurt, but this is part of the life of any artist that’s trying to get exposure for their work. I heard someone say that if people think that it’s shit, then it’s not art. I find that hard to believe. Believe me, I hate a lot of the work that people come out with. But that doesn’t make it not art.

Some of the most famous pieces of art, whether it’s plays, books, paintings, or music were at one time considered the worst thing people could’ve ever heard or seen. Decades and hundreds of years later, we find ourselves mesmerized and studying these forms of art that at one time were considered so horrible.

Just because I’m defending the definition of art doesn’t mean that I’m defending everything that’s considered art. There is work out there that I totally don’t agree with, and I feel that they simply don’t get it. There’s a lot of work out there that I purely think is garbage, and again I feel like they don’t get it. Art today is more about the business, and nothing about the pure form and definition. It’s all about how much money you can get, and that money rarely goes to the original artist. A lot of people are okay with that. Granted, some people have been successful in manipulating the system and became huge, but that’s a fraction of a percentage compared to everyone else. I feel like a lot of people sell their souls for the money, and the big industries know this. I’ve personally had some hard lessons with this, and this is probably why the big industries don’t want to take a chance on me. Doesn’t matter because I’m still here. I have the freedom to do what I want, release what I want, whenever I want, and how I want.

But sometimes it is kind of sad and depressing. I honestly don’t like sharing my work. I have tons of work that I haven’t released, not even samples, and probably never will. I’m not ashamed. I will never be ashamed of my work. My work is a product of my brain and imagination. A lot of people don’t get that, and to really get it they would have to know me. If anyone has any question about the motivation of my work, all they have to do is actually have a conversation with me. I have nothing to hide.

In closing, I had a situation where I let some people read my work. I’m not going to tell you who or what piece of work it was. But I was amazed by the different interpretations. One interpretation did piss me off, but I couldn’t voice that. Another thing that people don’t know about me (and if they do know, they hate), is that I treat almost every situation I’m in as though it’s a sociological or psychological experiment. I’m personally a fan of sociology. For that reason, I couldn’t really say anything about anyone’s opinion. I just had to study the responses and take note; not even to change anything, but to see how they reacted to my work. It was very interesting, and it highlighted the reason why any piece of art is subjective. That’s what it’s supposed to be. Subjective. When you lose the opportunity to have subjective art, you completely destroy the purpose of what it was meant for in the first place.

As much as I hate to release my art to the world, expect more. Otherwise, I have no purpose in doing what I’m doing.

By the way, the featured picture I chose is a quote that I feel is a great example of subjective interpretation. Have fun with it.

See you in the blogosphere.



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