I’ve been quiet over the last few days, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been around. In fact, I’ve been working on a couple of things to talk about, only to scrap them in favor of another idea.
This particular title I was going to use last night, and it was inspired by the song by Phil Collins, which I played almost on repeat last night. However, I decided to step back because I was a tad bit upset, and I probably would’ve caused some damage. It was over some personal and business matters that I really don’t feel like going into; emailing, texting, or calling me isn’t going to make me talk about it until I’m ready. But now that I’m in somewhat of a clearer state of mind, I can talk about this without any real restraint.
Simply put…I don’t care anymore.
Of course I care about some things. I care about my family. I care about whoever is in my small circle. I care about each of you that supports my blog and my other work. But other than that, I just don’t care. I’m tired. It wears me down.
My problem in the past was caring too much about things that really wouldn’t give me the same type of care. You wouldn’t tell that just by looking at me or talking to me, but that’s just how I have been. But eventually that has to stop. I’m being like one of those people you see on Facebook who post every other week that they are deleting their pages or they are getting rid of people, only to keep their page and keep the same people. For one, as much as I would like to, I can’t delete my personal or public Facebook page. Two, I’m notorious for distancing myself from people and cutting them out, sometimes without warning.
That being said, some people might think that my life must be very lonely. Actually, not really. I mean, I’ve always been a loner, but I wouldn’t go to the extreme and say my life is lonely. I just value my space and alone time. Never been the social butterfly, and unless it’s for business networking, I probably would never be.
With my diagnosed disorders (I’m also diagnosed with anxiety, and part of my medication regimen is an anti-anxiety pill), I can’t afford to put my energy towards people and situations that would be counterproductive (I talked about something similar to this in my entry “Let’s Talk About Dead Weight“). So I can’t really afford to care anymore.
Of course, it’s easier said than done. But I’ve managed to have done it on several occasions. In simple definition, it when you get so fatigued about your situation around you that you just become numb. You block things out. You just don’t listen anymore. In essence, they no longer exist. That’s where I’m at right now.
In case you’re confused by this post, this is one of those rants I warned y’all about. It’s one of those things where I really don’t care how they come out, as long as the words come together and things somewhat makes sense.
Like I said, I don’t care anymore.